iPod Touch = BEST HANDHELD GAMING EVAR!!1!1!!1!

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So, the news blurb from the realm of video games today comes from a company that has no business talking about games whatsoever: Apple. Today... well, yesterday at this point... they released their new iPod Touch 2.0, aka, iPhone without the phone part. Apple CEO Steve Jobs was quoted as saying, "It's the best portable device for playing games."

Aside from the fact that Apple is an evil, greedy, over-pricing, egotistical corporation... Skipping the part where I tell you that handheld gaming is completely irrelevant in the eyes of any god worth paying any attention to... I'll just get right to the point: Apple makes hardware that, first of all, costs way more than it's worth, and second, excels at doing things like audio editing and video editing. Aside from that, their hardware can do the same things anyone else's hardware can do about half as easily. Unless you're a total moron, in which case, the secrets of Apple hardware somehow manage to reveal themselves to you. That part still confuses me. These "anything you can do, Apple can do... kind of" activities include word processing, browsing the internet, and, in the case of the iPod, listening to music on the go. That's basically it.

Nowhere in the history of Apple computers has there ever been an even remotely successful attempt at breaking into the gaming industry. Video games have been dominated by companies like Atari, Nintendo, Sega, Sony, and Microsoft since the beginning of time. "Time" in this case refers to the day the first video game was invented, which, as far as I'm concerned, happened with "Computer Space" in 1971 (one year prior to "Pong"). Never has Apple truly tried to break into gaming. Never has anyone with any form of technological knowledge ever given Apple credit for an ability to create games- either hardware or software.

Now, all of a sudden, Steve Jobs has the audacity-- err, sorry, idiocy-- to go and claim that something his company's made is the "best portable device for playing games?" What the hell did he pull out of his ass that happens to be better than anything Nintendo or Sony's got on the market right now? Granted, the stuff that comes out of anyone's ass is probably pretty close to the same value as any handheld gaming device, but as far as handheld gaming devices go, you can't turn an MP3 player into a gaming platform! And you damn sure can't turn it into a gaming platform that's better than something a veteran like Nintendo or Sony can make.

Take my advice, Apple: stick to what you're good at, and quit trying to hone in on everyone else's turf. Better yet, just get out of our hair alltogether by spending all of your money on useless crap, declaring bankruptcy, and giving back the small percentage of the market share your stealing from the reigning king of computers- PC.