This Game is Not Worthy

Agatha Christie: And Then There Were None (Wii: February, 2008)

I can proudly say I didn't play enough of this game to give it a real review, but don’t worry, I’ve got plenty of first impressions to get the job done.

It's a point-and-click adventure, which in my mind is an oxymoron, not a game genre, ported to the Wii from it's original 2004 PC release. I'm amazed it managed to make it to the Wii, honestly, because the only place it should've been ported to was the dumpster.

If you had the patience to beat this game, you should give yourself a pat on the back, right after you finish bashing your head against the wall and asking yourself, "Why?!" Hell, if you had the patience to play this game for longer than the 10 minutes I spent on it, you deserve something. That 10 minutes was longer than I would've liked, but I had to give it at least 5 minutes of gameplay after the 5+ minutes of worthless cinematic at the opening.

The Wii version of this game takes it to an even more meaningless level than before. It's a mystery game, and they openly tell you at the beginning that part of the "mystery" is figuring out how to tell your character what to do with the Wii remote. Then they give you this example: if you want to open a door, instead of just pointing and clicking as usual, you have to point, click, and twist the Wii remote like it's a door knob. Seriously? I've heard of meaningless control concepts with the Wii remote, but nothing this ridiculous.

The story was neither engaging nor readily apparent to me at the start of the game, which, coupled with the stunningly boring activity of pointing my remote at everything on the screen, clicking on it, and hearing my character say things like, "It's a painting of a purple water lily," left me feeling no guilt when I almost immediately removed the game from my console and set it on fire. All I can say to those of you willing to sit through this one is, "good luck."

Overall score: 0.3 out of 10. Yes, that’s a decimal in front of that 3.